Emotion control is a lifelong topic that every one of us must face.
This spring festival, people around the country have been closely focusing on the development of the novel coronavirus pneumonia. Lots of emotions are accompanying us, sometimes being concerned about the worsening of the epidemic situation, sometimes being helpless about the shortage of medical materials, sometimes being angry about the conscienceless vendors who sell fake masks.
Mr Xu, associate psychological professor of Beijing University, points out in his article “Panic, another contagious disease besides COV-19”, “as a crisis intervention worker, I understand that we will always feel panic when crisis comes. Fear and anxiety, if not handled well, may cause depression and fury, leading to wrong response and secondary disaster. Indeed, negative emotions are also contagious, so are the vicious behavior.”
Therefore, Principal Xu of Beijing Chaoyang Kaiwen Academy has invited Mr Xu, associate professor from Beijing University, Mr Zhang, president of a famous ice-hockey club, and Mrs Xia Yue, CKWA parent committee member and a practicing lawyer to attend the CKWA online educational idea exchange session. The session, named as “Emotion Management and Successful Learning” will start at 10am on the 22th this month, introducing the meaning and methods in helping children to manage their emotion from multi-dimension.
Please scan the QR code to lock seats for the online session.
Before the start of the session, we interviewed two guests of this session, and would like to share their stories with you.
Q In your mind, what significance does sports have on the emotion management of children and their success?
Ice-hockey dad (or mom) is the title of a specific group, referring to a group of “nearly obsessive” parents who persistently accompany their children to play ice-hockey years after years.
My son starts to play ice hockey when he was 7. He attended training in Beijing for 8 years, no matter the weather. When I don’t have business to deal with, I will always accompany him to the ice rank. We didn’t have any intention at that time. The main idea is that a boy, especially as the single kid of the family, must practice some sports, better to be team sport.
Sports can bring very positive meaning for the cultivation of children’s character. It is suggested that parents choose one to two sports for children to learn based on their interests. As parents, our first concern is the psychological and physical health of children; the second concern is whether they can find a decent job to have a good life. Take my son as an example, perhaps because he has the chance to consume his energy on the ice rank every week, we haven’t felt any teenager rebellion on him yet. He is very outgoing, kind and perseverant. I believe this is the best gift that playing ice-hockey has brought to us.
Q Wrestle, Dad, an inspirational movie released in 2017 has earned amazing results. We have learnt that your husband introduced this movie from India to China. Can you tell us the story behind the movie?
Wrestle, Dad originated from a true story. It is the growth story of the first Indian female wrestler who have won the gold medal of the international competition, with her dad and her sister.
My kid and I like this movie very much. We have watched it together many times. I believe that India and China shared many similar East-Asian culture and traditional idea, such as preferring boys to girls. Under such backdrop, I agree to the educational methods of Dad in the movie. Destiny is in our own hand. We must be brave and fight for victory despite danger and pressure. I believe that it is dad’s love that leads to the victory of the family.
Q Could you please share your practice of managing children’s emotion at home?
- Do not judge or guess at will; do not use skills at once
In daily life, children’s emotions can be expressed in different forms. Sometimes, they are down in spirits and do not want to speak; sometimes, they pick holes and lose temper…If you ask them the reason directly, they may not tell you the true reason. They may be protesting when they are down, or very vulnerable inside when they show fury on the surface…Therefore, it is hard to say what is the exact right way to deal with such situation. My overall principle is that do not judge or guess at will, and do not use skills at once. I will tell him in words or action that it is safe to be beside parents and any emotion will be understood and accepted.
- Regularly conduct sincere conversation in routine life
At our home, besides the daily bedtime story, we also have another program, that is daily conversation.
Through a five minutes talk, I can learn a lot of interesting and funny things happening in school, even something that may not seem appropriate in the eyes of parents (at this time, parents can guide their children in time). I will also tell him some of my embarrassing moments in life, and stories such as how his dad and I met, etc. Kid will be easily touched, and then share more stories with me. We will then comfort and encourage each other. After such conversation, kid will usually have a very sound sleep.
- Confront Tough with Toughness, sometimes a quick way to spot issues
There is another common way to channel the emotion in routine life. When I am not in a good mood while facing unreasonable temper of children, this method will come into use. However, I will still give kid the chance to speak out his side of story. In this way, when I understand the real reason of his temper, we will both calm down.
Once on the way back to home from baseball training, my son began to lose temper because he was too hungry and there was nothing to eat. I also lost my temper and questioned him why he was so unreasonable, telling him that I am also a common person who have emotions and will also feel sad. My son then burst into cry and told me he was criticized by coach that day because he failed to do a position right. He felt embarrassed and depressed…
Hearing his story, I was not angry anymore. I immediately apologize to him, “baby, I am sorry. Mom didn’t control my emotion well. You see, although we had an argue, I’ve now known your reason. We can face this issue together and find solution.” My son soon calmed down, and his mood turned up.
After this experience, I find that “speaking out the truth” is the key to channel the emotion. It may not be easy to find the key, but once it is found, everything will go in a positive direction.
To be continued…